I hate the saying, "It is what it is." I hate it because it doesn't really say anything at all, and it certainly doesn't solve my problem. That's when people seem to use that saying - when they don't know what to say to someone who's having a crisis. "Well, it is what it is." How's that helpful?
Today though I almost seemed to be saying it to myself. My boyfriend told me he's going to need Wednesday and Thursday away from me before he goes to divorce court on Friday. He needs time to clear his head and get his things in order. Huge blow for me.
Here I am going along thinking I'm this major support system for him. I've been with him through this entire process. I hope I've been a source of encouragement, a listening ear, an advice giver, a stress reliever, and even a distraction when he needs it. Now he wants me to go away?
Maybe it wasn't what he said but how it came about - so abrupt. The guy has no tact (we're working on that). We were back at his place sitting on the couch after having a perfectly wonderful day at his mother's celebrating his eleven year old daughter's birthday. I turned and asked him, "Can we settle on a day this week to finish painting your living room?"
"Nope. Not this week. Nothing before the 30th," he said, leaving me to figure out why.
"Oh. Court's on the 30th. Nothing doing until after that, huh?"
"No. In fact you should plan on not being here Wednesday or Thursday."
I must have appeared startled because he got up with me when I went to put my glass on the counter.
"You're mad."
"I'm surprised - and maybe a little bit hurt. You want to get away from me. That's hard to take."
"I'm not going to be a good guy to be around the two days before court. I'm probably going to be an ass. I know you don't like me that way so I'm asking for some space."
"I really thought you considered me a support system for you."
"Just trust that on Friday, when I'm out of court, I'll come back to you better than ever," he told me last night. That was supposed to calm me I suppose.
I'm going to admit to you, I flipped out a little. I took my teenagers and ran, quite literally. They were playing Wii with his daughter. I told them to turn it off, we were going home. I spent the drive home in shock trying to play it over in my mind.
I know guys are cavemen and all that. I know they need to go to their cave and take care of their problems and if we let them they'll come back to us just fine. But I'm not fine. I'm not fine at all, and now I have this huge weight on my chest while I try to get through my routine today. I have homework projects to complete with the kids, laundry to do, gardening to tend to, and conferences tomorrow I need to prepare for. I'm pissed and I'm hurt and I can't get this off of my mind.
The way I reacted was to say, "Look. Maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't be together while you sort out this mess in your head. I'm going to give you more than just Wednesday and Thursday. In fact, take all the time you need away from me."
He responded to that with, "I knew you'd do that."
And that's where we've left it.
